Just For Today

At this time of year, many people are making New Year's resolutions. You also see many who are regretting that they never completed LAST YEAR'S resolutions. So, since God doesn't promise us tomorrow, why not try decluttering your life from anger, frustration, bitterness, and other negative, hurtful emotions that seem to build up so quickly into mountains that seem unconquerable. Here's how:

JUST FOR TODAY, block that frustration which comes from the little things, like annoying porn text messages, frustrating fb game requests, recorded phone sales pitches (in recent months I've gotten more than 50 of these calls just telling me I need a security system on my home. That's not counting the recorded calls I've received for sales pitches for other products. And it's not to mention those I get asking for my vote during political seasons!) Let go of that irritation you feel when somebody pulls in front of you to take that parking space that you've been waiting for, and on and on. JUST FOR TODAY, refuse to entertain those little things that you can do nothing about. Refuse to give place in your mind to those annoying little things that even reporting them to the authorities doesn't help. 

JUST FOR TODAY, take all the time and energy you spend on those annoyances that would threaten to ruin your day, and think about your priorities instead. What's important to you? What's the most important thing on your list to accomplish TODAY? Forget about the minor irritations. They're holding you back from accomplishing that one little thing that would turn out to be a life changer for you or for someone else. All this, JUST FOR TODAY. 

If you falter, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to trying all over again. God doesn't promise us tomorrow, but you'll be amazed at how much extra time you'll have on your hands today, and what can happen in your life if those little annoyances are disregarded.

You want peace in the world? It begins with YOU! One day at a time.

Are Grieving and Depression Related?

Absolutely! They are related, but not necessarily the same thing. I've seen many blogs and on-line articles lately about the difference between grief and depression, and I do recognize and understand that grief & depression can have a wide range of causes, symptoms and stages. Grief or depression can extend from an ordinary case of the "blahs," to life-impairing, life-threatening depressive episodes for which medication is necessary. Obviously, there's a difference between those two examples. However, grief is not solely caused by the death of a loved one, nor is "death" solely related to the physical cessation of life. There are as many causes for grief as there are people in the world and negative things for us to experience. Having been through the deaths of seventeen immediate family members and close friends, I found that the tragic events that were occurring in LIFE, were just as devastating. The symptoms and stages of grief and depression can be very similar, and the treatment can be the same as well.

In addition, with all the articles I read about the difference between grief & depression, if there is one ... how long should a person be "allowed" to grieve before it is considered a major depressive episode, etc ... not one article that I've seen addressed the Biblical view of grief. (See "The Biblical View of Grief & Depression" here in this blogspot for a description of how God sees grief.) We see many "descriptions" of how we "should" feel & behave after a traumatic event, via the entertainment industry. I believe we need something way more stable than the entertainment industry to help us make it through the aftereffects of a tragedy. We need God. And His Word.

Grief and depression are not easy maladies to work through. Although healing is possible, restoration may not be. If, for example, your loved one has passed on, or if a tornado or hurricane has destroyed your home and worldly possessions, the restoration of those people and things are not possible. But you CAN be healed. And it IS possible to grow from these situations, and even to have good come out of them. Nothing can change what has already occurred in the past. But the important thing to remember is that it's possible to remove the "sting" out of the past, so that it no longer has control over your future! Maybe even to the point that it then becomes a testimony!

Grieving Through the Holidays

It's that time of year again. Time for joy, holiday parties, gift giving and receiving. Time to worship the One whose birth we celebrate. It's also the time you feel grief so strongly, because the one you love has passed on. Or you lost your job. Or that fire or tornado or hurricane has destroyed all your worldly goods. Or maybe you have recently been diagnosed with a deadly disease. This is the time of year when everyone's happy, right? But you're not. You're in pain.

So, what is it that you can do? How can you get through these holiday celebrations without losing your mind, or having a breakdown ... or worse yet, becoming a hermit? Well, the very first thing you need to do is suck in that next breath of air!  Force it out, and then do it all over again!

The purpose of this blog is not to go through all the causes, symptoms and stages of the grieving process. You already know those, because you're experiencing them as we speak.  The purpose of this blog is to bring encouragement and hope to you through this holiday season.  To share some information with you that could help you get past the pain, and onto healing ... despite those emotions that make you want to hide from the world.

I read a book once called "A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss," by Gerald Sitser. Mr. Sitser had experienced his own grievous trauma, and, therefore, was knowledgeable about what he wrote. On page 138, Mr. Sitser made this comment: "Sorrow itself needs the existence of God to validate it as a healthy and legitimate emotion. If there is no God, it makes no difference how we respond. It becomes entirely subjective, like individual tastes in ice cream. If sorrow is subjective, and it doesn't matter how we respond, then why not laugh at tragedy, loss and depression? How do we establish the absoluteness of good vs. bad, anyway? And where did we get the idea of "good" and "bad" in the first place? People feel pain in suffering because suffering is bad. We know this because we have knowledge of what is good. Such knowledge can only come from God."

Following Mr. Sitser's logic leads us to another point: denial of our negative emotions will only keep us in bondage to them for a longer period of time. We must acknowledge their existence. And then we must make a conscious choice to put them in their proper place.  In other words, throw those negative, painful emotions out like yesterday's trash. How? How is that possible? By making a conscious choice to acknowledge and grasp hold of the fact that even through the painful emotions, hope exists. Hope for healing. Tragedy is designed to defeat and destroy us. So, is healing possible? It depends on what you believe! And on what you do about hope! Grieve ... but never without hope.

Grief will destroy us, or it will transform us ... but it will never leave us the same. Our lives will never be the same as they were before the tragic event. But we can move on. And it can be a healthy, positive, productive, and most of all Godly, growth and change. Here are some practical suggestions that will help you overcome grief, especially as you progress through this holiday season:

1)  Prepare yourself. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4: 23 to "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
2) Get a moderate amount of exercise. Exercise has been known to reduce stress.
3) Pay attention to your diet. Stick to the good stuff. Cut down on refined sugar, white flour products, caffeine, nicotine and anything else that is harmful to your body.
4) Get proper rest, as well as a good amount of sleep.
5) Talk to someone. There's healing power in sharing your burdens with someone.
6) Keep a journal of your thoughts, feelings, prayers and answers to prayer. Later, you'll be able to look back and see how much progress you have made.

Make a conscious choice to grab onto the hope of healing. Then take some positive steps in that direction. And don't forget to pat yourself on the back ... because even the smallest of steps is a major accomplishment!

Why Do People Falter?

Available at Tate Publishing

Interview question asked of me: "Why do you think so many people tend to falter in their beliefs when times get tough?"

My answer: 

God gave us 5 senses … hearing, sight, taste, touch and smell. He gave us those abilities so that we could stay in touch with the world which He created for us to live in.  He also gave us His Spirit, so that we could stay in touch with Heaven. He also had to create us with an awesome power, called the power of choice. (That’s another story for another writing! ;o}) In our self-willed, self-centered, independent nature, we have grown into a state of becoming more and more “dependent” upon our five senses, and less and less dependent on God’s Holy Spirit. What we can hear, see, taste, feel and smell has become more real to us than what cannot be detected by those five senses.  The world has become more and more dominant in our lives, than what comes after this fleshly life is over.  Worldly “reality,” instead of spiritual “truth.” That which we are used to depending upon (the world), fails us when traumas and tragedies strike because what has not been developed in our lives(spiritual relationship with God), is then not as obvious to be found when those hard times hit. It’s like exercise. Exercise strengthens the physical body, and then when that strength is needed, it has already been developed. Without even a moderate amount of movement (exercise), that strength would not be there when we need it. It’s the same way spiritually and emotionally.

Yet, there’s still something within each of us that’s crying out for the spiritual. We see it all over the place in this day and age, especially through the entertainment industry. There are more ghost chasing stories, more stories about mediums and the like, more stories about spiritual powers, on TV and in the movies today than ever before. The problem is that God (and we) has an enemy; he’s the father of lies. He’s the one who deceived Eve all the way back in the Garden of Eden so many years ago, and he’s still around today trying to deceive anyone who will listen. And through his deception, who God really is and what He will or won’t do, gets twisted in our minds and hearts. It’s so critical that we know where any spiritual “power” comes from, so that we do not fall into that deception. Because guess what? That deception will also fail us in times of need. 

God is the only One who sustains. I’m aware that many go through tough situations without the knowledge of His existence, but truthfully, I don’t know how they do it. Without Him and His real and active presence in my life, I would not be here writing these words. There’s absolutely nothing like a touch on your mind and/or heart by God when you’re at your deepest, darkest point. Circumstances may or may not change, but you surely will.

The Breath of Life

Wherever books are sold

Have you ever been compared to a balloon? Me neither. Until this morning ...

We have a time for children during our Sunday morning worship. This morning, before church, a young one gave my pastor a balloon.  So, of course he brought it into the sermon. He held it up before the congregation, and asked one of the kids sitting beside him what was inside that balloon. She answered, "Nothing!" "Are you sure?" asked the pastor. "Yep." "There's nothing inside this balloon?" "Nope." "How about air? Is there air inside this balloon?" "Ohhhh, yes!!!" was the resounding reply. "Where did that air come from?" he asked. "It came from God," a little boy answered. After pulling himself together, the pastor laughed as he explained, "Yes, it's God's air, but it came from your mouth. Right?"

Strange how our minds work, but as all this was going on up at the altar, I was thinking about the air in that balloon.  I thought about how it made that balloon look. With no air in the balloon, the balloon is flat as a pancake.  With air in it, it had life. Big, bouncy, fun. Made me think about us.

God created the world, and everything in it. Then He created humanity. He took the dust of the earth and worked with it much the same as a potter works with clay. He molded it, fashioned it, and formed it, and the final result was a man, whom He called Adam.  But Adam, even though he now had a body, did not yet have life. It wasn't until God breathed into him the breath of life, that Adam came alive. Kind of like that balloon. It existed, it was. But not until that young boy blew air into it, did it become a toy to be played with.

Bet you thought that was the end of the story, right? Nope. Take that same balloon and instead of blowing your own air into it, fill it with helium instead. What happens then? Suddenly that balloon has new life! Now that balloon can fly! Let go of the string, and that balloon will rise as far as it can go, if you happen to be inside. And it will fly as far as the eye can see, if you happen to be outside. New life.

That's what the Holy Spirit of God does for us and in us. We are born. But when we become Christians, the Holy Spirit breathes new life into us, and we become born again. No, we did not return to our mother's womb. The new birth I speak of here is spiritual. We ask for, and are given, forgiveness for our wrong doings, and we accept the truth of what Jesus has done for us. We accept His gift and invite Him to live in our hearts and guide our lives. He brings with Him one of the most awesome gifts we will ever receive ... that of the Holy Spirit. New life is breathed into the very core of our being, and every fiber of our being is renewed and rejuvenated.

At the moment of conception, we are kind of like that flat balloon. When we are born, God breathes that breath of life into our lungs, and we are alive ... similar to the balloon blown up by that little child.  But then, the most amazing thing happens when we become Christians. New life, given by the power and grace of the Holy Spirit ... and through that new life, we can fly as far as the eye can see!

The Biblical View of Grief & Depression

Xulon Press

Even today, many years after the initial writing of "One Foot on a Banana Peel," medical professionals are still "discussing" the difference (and IF there even is one) between grief and depression. "How long should a patient be 'allowed' to grieve before it is considered to be a depressive episode?" "Should the grieving person be medicated, or not?" (Click here to read one blog on this subject. There are many others out there.) While this subject seems to be on the "hot seat" in today's psychological blogs, I have yet to see anyone writing about how the Bible views the topic.

The Bible uses the word grief in a much broader sense than solely intense personal sadness. “To the Hebrew writers, the importance of grief was not its psychological effect upon the individual. Grief was important to them because it is a response to the troubles of a fallen world.” (Nelson’s Illustrated Bible Dictionary, copyright 1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers, pg. 446) The Lord Himself grieved over the sinfulness of His human creation. Ezekiel was groaning with broken heart and bitter grief as a prophetic sign of impending judgment. Isaiah’s grief (in Isaiah 17: 10, 11) was over those who had forgotten who God is. And grief, the Bible says, is the normal response to the trouble caused by one’s enemies. 

Sin is another Biblical cause for grief. Luke, chapter 15 tells the story about a prodigal son. Through this example, we see that physical death is not the only form of death.  Personalities can “die.” Have you ever seen a child whose personality changed drastically, maybe due to the use of drugs or alcohol? It may have even seemed like it happened almost overnight! Pre-marital sex can have the same strong reaction, especially in a young teen who has not yet developed the emotional capability to handle emotional responsibility. This is basically the same thing that happened to the young man. (Luke 15: 11-32) Obviously this young son was not dead physically. But who he was, his whole personality, his spirit and soul, had literally “died” because of his sin. This is what happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, and it’s what happens to each one of us when we sin. Our own personal sin causes us deeply felt grief, and sin in our lives causes “death,” which means we are separated from God. This death, this spiritual separation from God, causes grief.

Another reason for Biblical grief is when we grieve for others. Jesus wept. Not for Himself, but for those who should have known Him, but didn’t. Paul had “great sorrow and unceasing grief in his heart” for his brethren in the flesh who had not become his brethren in the Spirit. A pastor once told me that the majority of prayer requests he receives are concerning health issues. Paul had a desire and “burden” for the salvation of others … what happened to ours? Where did it go?

Job’s three friends grieved and mourned so much at what they saw, that they sat with him for seven days and nights in silence before they even spoke. Their heartache at seeing their friend suffer so, caused them to look for answers to fix the situation. They were barking up the wrong tree, obviously. But they kept grasping at whatever straw that entered their mind anyway, trying to find reasons for Job’s afflictions so that somehow the situation could be remedied. Who among us hasn’t done so? 

Esther was one whose grief for others was deeply felt.  Her story is told in the Book of Esther. Esther’s king was about to destroy the Jews, her people. Esther grieved over this, but she had a big problem. It seems the king had the power and authority to either dismiss her, or have her killed if she interfered or intervened in any way. Yet, her grief for her people would not be assuaged. So, her grief for her people caused her to put her life on the line for them.  She fasted first, and then went to see the king. By the grace of God, Esther found favor before the king, and was able to save her people from his decree. While we know it was an act of God’s mercy, it was through Esther’s grief and prayers for her people that they were saved.

On a more positive note, one more Biblical perspective on causes for grief, is that of “longing.” In this context, the longing is for God … longing to know Him better, in a deeper, more intimate manner than we ever have before. Longing to be filled with His Spirit, and have our thirst for Him quenched. Longing to know His Word and His ways.  We see David’s obvious heart for knowing the Lord, His ways and His word, in Psalm 119. David seeks to know the Lord.  With all of his heart, his mind and his body, he desires to know and walk in the ways of the Lord. Verse 20 finds David’s soul “crushed with longing” after the ordinances of the Lord. Verse 25 reveals that David’s soul “cleaves to the dust,” and he asks the Lord to revive him according to His word. Verse 28 states that David’s “soul weeps with grief,” and he asks God to strengthen him. David also zealously seeks after the salvation of the Lord, and he waits on the Lord to fulfill that desire. His soul “fails with longing” for the word of the Lord. All of that takes place in verses 81 and 82.

It's important to know how God sees grief.  In this day and age, we are inundated with sound and visuals from the entertainment industry which indicate how people react to trauma and tragedy. Once this "picture" is in our minds, far too many of us come to believe it.  And then when negative circumstances invade our own lives, we react in much the same manner.  We need something far more stable than the entertainment industry to lean on when trauma and tragedy hits us hard. We need strength from God and guidance from His Word.

Hope for Recovery

Xulon Press

I’m a licensed belief therapist, an author and speaker. All that came about because of a long bout with grief. There were 11 deaths of immediate family members in a short span of time, at the time I wrote my first book, “One Foot on a Banana Peel.” But there were also things happening in LIFE that took my breath away. Those were even more difficult, and could have destroyed me and my family. I found several interesting things during the time of research for this work. I was startled to find out how many people were suffering from grief and/or depression. Sooooo many! Another thing I was surprised at was that many believed that grief and depression are two totally separate entities. It was said that grief is only suffered at the death of a loved one. This is just not true, and it’s not Biblical either. I do realize that there can be a clinical depression that is deeper than “normal” (whatever “normal" is these days), but one thing I found out about this total separation between the two was that people were not able to connect with HOPE, or a recovery, because they didn’t know what it was they were dealing with! Knowing what the problem is, is half the battle … right? There IS hope! And there can be recovery! I’m living proof!

How & Why I Began Writing

“Would you like to move back to Iraan,” Jerry asked me. “Tommie & I have been praying about it ever since I made the decision to retire. We believe that now is the time, and God is calling us into full-time prison ministry. Do you want to join us?” I had been working with Jerry & Tommie in prison ministry ever since they started … 15 years, at that point. So, of course I said, “Yessss!!!”

So began a long series of events which led to writing my first book, “One Foot On A Banana Peel.” “One Foot…” is a description of grief and an expression of the hope and healing that lie beyond trauma and tragedy. The simple experience of moving in itself can be a cause for grief, and I’m not so sure I wasn’t actually experiencing some of those emotions at the time. I had been widowed in March of 1988. Raising two young children, working and moving three times during the course of those years ~ yes, I wanted to continue in prison ministry, but I was also sure I was feeling some “trauma” over the upcoming move.

Shortly after I moved back, Tommie came to me with an offer. She felt it was time to expand our ministry and move into the area of counseling in the “free-world,” (A term used by those in the prison system, referring to anyone who is not incarcerated). She asked if I wanted to join them in taking some courses. So, off we went to Crockett, Texas, to attend school at Therapon Institute, where we later became licensed belief therapists. During the course of our schooling, we had to write a 10-page paper on any subject for which a person might come to us for counseling. Up to that point, there had been 11 deaths of my immediate family members in about 7 or 8 years. So, it seemed appropriate for me to write on the topic of grief. My 10-page paper turned out to be 29 pages long! The Director of the Institute said it was a good work, and that I should turn it into a seminar. So, I spent the rest of that year and part of the next, writing and re-writing. Condensing and expanding. Dealing with life’s problems, and adding what I had learned to what I had already written. One major thing I learned in the process of all this, was that it seemed most people had the idea that grief only occurred when a loved one passed on. This is just NOT TRUE, nor is it Scriptural. There are a multitude of causes for grief, and there varying degrees of its intensity. Most of us experience it to one degree or another, and usually more than once during the course of our lifetimes. So, what about it … is there any hope?

Well, of course there is! And hope was what I wanted to share in the writing of that paper. Hope is still what I want to share. The hope that can come through even that long, dark tunnel of grief. The hope and healing that lie beyond trauma and tragedy. There have been many other trials, temptations and struggles in our lives since the deaths of all those family members, all of which produced symptoms and stages of he grief process in varying levels and degrees. Any one of these events could have had major destructive power in my life.

But the inspiration for the writing of “One Foot…” came to me one evening shortly after that when my sister (my only sibling) called to inform me that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. My reaction to her dilemma surprised me. I was REALLY angry! I felt that ONE MORE TIME my hands were tied. Here was ONE MORE TRAGEDY that I could do nothing about. While I definitely do not have one foot on a banana peel and the other one in a grave, the reality of the situation was that I was too old to start over again … become a doctor so I can “fix” this situation, or begin in research to find a cure for cancer so my sister could be healed.

At some point during this tirade, I began to pray. It was while I was thinking about all these things and praying, that God spoke to my mind and heart. He said, “Take all that you wrote about grief and put it into book format. Reach as many hearts as you can with the light of HOPE.” Thus began my writing career, and my first book, ”One Foot On A Banana Peel,” was born. My Heavenly Father sustained me through all of those experiences that could have devastated me and my family. He sustains me still. He was the One who created hope in the first place. It is He who planted hope within my soul. So, I give honor and glory to him through the writing that I do. But it is YOU that I’m writing for. It is YOU who I pray finds hope within the pages of the books and seminars I write. It is YOU whom I know that God wants to bless with peace and HOPE. He sustained me … and He will sustain you.

http://livinghope.tatepublishing.net/
http://www.gentlespringsofhope.org/

"One Foot on a Banana Peel" With so much pain in the world, "One Foot..." is a breath of fresh air and a light of hope. "One Foot..." is a description of grief and an expression of the hope and healing that lie beyond trauma and tragedy.