The Miracle of Forgiveness

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Why do we struggle so much to forgive someone when we are hurt by them? Why do we struggle to receive forgiveness for our own wrong doings? We have a hard enough time receiving God's forgiveness, yet it seems even harder to forgive ourselves for what we do wrong. Forgiveness seems to be a major issue in our world today. Why is this so?

Well, here are a couple of reasons. The first takes us all the way back to the Garden of Eden. When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, and Adam followed in kind, their first reaction was shame, as is evidenced by the fact that they tried to cover their nakedness (their sin) with fig leaves. Their second reaction was fear, as is evidenced by the fact that they hid themselves from God when He came into the Garden for their daily walk and talk. Shame and fear ... that's what sin produces!

We humans were never designed to carry that load! It's hard to come out from under such a weight. To give you a picture of why this is so, take a look at your body. When your body is hurt, bruised, cut or injured in some way, its natural reaction is to tense up, in a subconscious effort to resist the pain. The same thing happens in our emotions. When we are hurt, either by the actions of others or by our own wrong doings, our emotions "tense up" to resist the negative impact. We balk! And we respond not with fig leaves, but with "walls" (of anger, fear, shame etc.) because we don't want to be hurt again. This "resistance," whether conscious or subconscious, actually keeps our physical bodies and/or our emotions in bondage to that pain for an even longer period of time!

The second reason why it's so hard to forgive and accept forgiveness, is because we really don't understand what forgiveness means. In order to gain some insight, let me first explain what forgiveness is not:

Forgiving does not mean ignoring the offense. If the offense is ignored, it's basically the same thing as saying that it never happened. How can you give or receive forgiveness for an event that never occurred? Forgiveness does not mean there is no penalty. There is a consequence for every action, good or bad (or lack of action).  Remember, Jesus had to pay the ultimate price so that we could be forgiven!

Also, forgiving someone does not mean that you automatically forget, although forgiving someone in the true sense of the word does bring a release and peace to your mind, and perhaps even enough healing that you would not focus on the trauma as much. But some events are impossible to forget (like the untimely death of a loved one). But you can still forgive. Forgiving someone is also not an acceptance that what was done is ok. It's not ok!! And you do not have to "like it" in order to forgive. Forgiving someone does not mean that you automatically trust that person again, or that things will be ok now, OR that you have to remain in a hurtful situation. Forgiving someone is not an open door for continued mistreatment!

When you forgive someone, you excuse them. You pardon them. You release them, meaning that you no longer hold them accountable for their actions. That's a blessing for the one forgiven, but it's even more of a blessing for you! When you forgive, it releases you from the horrible bondage of pain, anger, bitterness ... and all those other negative emotions that profoundly affect your physical well being. It releases you to have room in your mind and heart for peace, joy and love.

Forgiveness is not based on our "feelings." It is based on a conscious choice made by the power of our will. What if we don't "feel" like forgiving? That's when choice comes into play. Even though we can't control all situations or circumstances in life, we can control how we respond to them! What if we forgive, but we don't "feel" any better? What if we feel that what we or they have done is just too awful? This is a classic case of the condemnation that God's enemy and ours, Satan, would have us fall prey to. But once again, we do have the power to choose ... will we believe and respond to truth? Or to our roller-coaster feelings?

Forgiveness given or received is a true miracle. There are no "keys" to fixing every wrong done to us or by us, in our lifetimes. But in terms of healing and restoration, forgiving comes as close as is humanly possible!

As always, you are invited and encouraged to join this blog, and share it with family, friends & associates.

Isn't It Just Like The Enemy?

These things only happen to "the other guy:"

The other day I received a phone call. The call came through as "Unknown" on the phone. I answered it anyway, which I question now whether that, in general, is a wise thing to do. The woman on the other end of the line introduced herself as "Yvonne," and asked to speak to "Jane Harber."

"Speaking," I answered.

"I work for (so-and-so) Attorneys. We are representing GE Money Bank in their law suit against you for charges in the amount of $5,432.17 on an unsecured credit card."

"WHAT???"

"You have charged this amount, and not paid it. GE Money Bank is sueing you for the balance."

"What are you talking about? What credit card, and when did these charges occur? What's an 'unsecured' credit card anyway?"

"An unsecured credit card is one that is through a store. It could be Walmart, or Beall's, or just about any store."

"Well, I don't have any store credit cards. Are you sure you have the right person?"

"You are Jane Harber, are you not?"

"Yes. But maybe the credit card belongs to someone else with the same name."

"We are about to serve you with these papers. You'll find out then that we have the right person."

"Well, tell me what credit card and when these charges occurred."

(Shuffling a few papers...) "Look, ma'am ... I don't know what credit card it was. But I'm trying to help you here. Just give me your birthdate, and the last two numbers of your Social Security ..."

"Birth date is  ...."

AND THEN I "WOKE UP" TO WHAT WAS HAPPENING!

"But I'm not giving you the last two numbers of my Social Security until I can confirm your identity. Your call came through as "Unknown," and I want your telephone number so I can call these lawyers."

"I'm just trying to help you here, but I guess you're not going to cooperate. So you'll get yours when the papers arrive."

With that, "Yvonne" hung up.

Oh my gosh!!!!! How many times have I heard of these scams?!? How many people have been duped into revealing private and personal information, only to wake up to the reality that their identity had been stolen.  How many people have gone through years of torment and turmoil in order to get messes like this one purported to be, straightened out. And don't we usually think that "these things only happen to the other guy?" As aware as I am that these things occur, you would have thought I'd have picked up on this one sooner than I did. But if truth be known, the only thing that really saved my hide on this one, was the fact that the call came through as "Unknown." I truly believe I had a big, strong, guardian angel guiding me during this conversation.

But isn't this just like the enemy? What a type and picture of how he deceives us and tricks us into getting into such trouble! Cunning and deceitful, his desire is for our ruin. There's nothing more that he would like but to see us entrenched in years of trials, tribulations and troubles. Spin our heads with lies and lack of understanding. Destruction along every path.

So, how do we stop him? It's been said that a bank teller is not trained in how to catch a forgery when it comes across their palms. That would really be an effort in futility, since new ways and means of creating forgeries and deceptions are created just as often as we figure out how to stop the last barrage of them. No, a bank teller is so well trained in knowing the real thing that they would be able to recognize anything that didn't line up!

That's how we stop God's enemy and ours! We become so familiar with the "real thing" that we can recognize and catch a forgery when it comes across our path! We come to know Jesus Christ, and His Word. Develop a relationship with Him. He is the "real One." 

5 Tips For Promoting Your Book(s) #3

Hi again!

1) Get a website. That sounds daunting doesn't it? Some publishers provide a website for their authors. There are people who design them. There are other companies that have website options for a monthly fee. I get mine through vistaprint.com. You can get them for any price point, but I get the delux site because I want to be able to sell my stuff on my own site, elainelittau.com . I have a paypal shopping cart on there and it is great.

2) So...you have a website. So what? You have to answer a few questions about why you have it. One fact of our day and time is that if you have a business, and your book is your business, you MUST have a website. Questions to consider:

a)Who am I selling to? You will want to say 'everybody'. That just isn't true. While many people from each demographic will read your book, you do have a dominate reader profile.

b) Once you figure out who your major buys are you need to decide if they are people who have a lot of technical/computer experience or are they people who love getting mail-outs and paper advertisements. Whether your customer is technically challenged or not, you need a simple to navigate site.

3) The FIRST page of your website needs to tell them, in plain language , what it is you want them to do. An arrow---BUY HERE pointing to the books and things you offer. A sentence in bold type AUTHOR, SPEAKER, BOOK MARKETING COACH...or POET, SPEAKER, WRITER...Make sure your customer knows your purpose on the first page.

4) Your other pages can have your bio and book details and other things you offer, as well as guestbook, book trailers, and all the bells and whistles.

5) Be sure you use good KEY WORDS in describing your website if there is that option. You will want your website to be found easily by search engines. (frugal book marketing, author, speaker, writer, fiction, historical fiction, western fiction, christian western fiction, book marketing coach....)

Until next time, why don't you work on these 5 things?

Post Holiday Blues: Surviving in this Financially Driven Society

Ok ... the holidays are behind us. Many of us spent time with family and friends, enjoying good food and traditional gifts underneath the Christmas tree.  Parties and Christmas lights all around, grabbed our attention. And for a while, there was joy.

But before all this, there was planning and preparation.  And shopping. In a world full of technological advances, we were shown over and over what was "hot" and what was not. We knew what we wanted to buy, before we even made it to the store.  Our hearts were big ... and we wanted the best for our loved ones. Ohhhh ... it's so easy! With pre-season as well as last minute sales, credit card access, lay away plans, and stores vying for our business, it's hard to resist going a bit overboard.

But now come the bills.  Now we have to pay for all that holiday cheer. The flood begins ... and it is almost overwhelming. 

I'm about to give you one of the most important, yet difficult tips for financial sanity in this financially driven society. I call it 10-10-10. This 10-10-10 principle works with any amount of income, from $.10 all the way up to any amount you can think of.  Notice I didn't say it was easy; but it does work. Persistence, endurance and determination are the keys to making this principle work for you in a world that is permeated with buying and selling. 

First, as I told you in "Survival of the Fittest; Surviving in this Financially Driven Society" (which was Part 1), we need to get our priorities straight.  We must know our Source.  Sure, it is we who get up in the morning, don our outfits, feed our faces, leave our homes and families, and walk or drive to our places of employment. But it is God who gave us the means and ability to do so. It is God who gave us the strength and talents we use to support ourselves and bring home the "bread." It is God who gives us the mental capacity to decide where all the money we have earned will be spent. So consider Him first. In His Word, God tells us  to "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse ... and prove me now, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing..." (Malachi 3: 10)

So, in obedience to His Word, our first 10 is the 10% we tithe to the Lord. Don't get all caught up in where that tithe should go, or whether that 10% should be based on your gross or net income. Just find a church or ministry that you believe is working on behalf of the Lord, or one that you believe has needs, and donate the first 10% to God through that organization. 

The second 10 is the 10% you put into savings.  If you don't put some money back for future use, you will never get ahead. 10% may seem like a small amount, especially if your dreams are big. But it's a start. It's a first step. And with persistence and determination, this amount will grow.

The third 10 is the 10% you spend on yourself. This is an important part of the plan. If you don't take some of your hard-earned income and spend in on yourself ... if you don't enjoy some of it ... you will burn out. Our financial burdens will quickly overwhelm us, if we don't take some "time-out" for fun, or new clothes, or a night out, or whatever does it for you.

Pay your bills with the balance of your income.

So the plan is ... 10% tithing, 10% saving, and 10% spending. 10-10-10. Everything gets taken care of with this plan. Nothing gets left out. And the plan can be worked with any amount of income you have. As with other issues, it's not always easy. Especially in the beginning. But it is workable. And you can start now for the next go round of holidays!  You will be the winner in the end!

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?

Grieving Through the Holidays

It's that time of year again. Time for joy, holiday parties, gift giving and receiving. Time to worship the One whose birth we celebrate. It's also the time you feel grief so strongly, because the one you love has passed on. Or you lost your job. Or that fire or tornado or hurricane has destroyed all your worldly goods. Or maybe you have recently been diagnosed with a deadly disease. This is the time of year when everyone's happy, right? But you're not. You're in pain.

So, what is it that you can do? How can you get through these holiday celebrations without losing your mind, or having a breakdown ... or worse yet, becoming a hermit? Well, the very first thing you need to do is suck in that next breath of air!  Force it out, and then do it all over again!

The purpose of this blog is not to go through all the causes, symptoms and stages of the grieving process. You already know those, because you're experiencing them as we speak.  The purpose of this blog is to bring encouragement and hope to you through this holiday season.  To share some information with you that could help you get past the pain, and onto healing ... despite those emotions that make you want to hide from the world.

I read a book once called "A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss," by Gerald Sitser. Mr. Sitser had experienced his own grievous trauma, and, therefore, was knowledgeable about what he wrote. On page 138, Mr. Sitser made this comment: "Sorrow itself needs the existence of God to validate it as a healthy and legitimate emotion. If there is no God, it makes no difference how we respond. It becomes entirely subjective, like individual tastes in ice cream. If sorrow is subjective, and it doesn't matter how we respond, then why not laugh at tragedy, loss and depression? How do we establish the absoluteness of good vs. bad, anyway? And where did we get the idea of "good" and "bad" in the first place? People feel pain in suffering because suffering is bad. We know this because we have knowledge of what is good. Such knowledge can only come from God."

Following Mr. Sitser's logic leads us to another point: denial of our negative emotions will only keep us in bondage to them for a longer period of time. We must acknowledge their existence. And then we must make a conscious choice to put them in their proper place.  In other words, throw those negative, painful emotions out like yesterday's trash. How? How is that possible? By making a conscious choice to acknowledge and grasp hold of the fact that even through the painful emotions, hope exists. Hope for healing. Tragedy is designed to defeat and destroy us. So, is healing possible? It depends on what you believe! And on what you do about hope! Grieve ... but never without hope.

Grief will destroy us, or it will transform us ... but it will never leave us the same. Our lives will never be the same as they were before the tragic event. But we can move on. And it can be a healthy, positive, productive, and most of all Godly, growth and change. Here are some practical suggestions that will help you overcome grief, especially as you progress through this holiday season:

1)  Prepare yourself. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4: 23 to "guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
2) Get a moderate amount of exercise. Exercise has been known to reduce stress.
3) Pay attention to your diet. Stick to the good stuff. Cut down on refined sugar, white flour products, caffeine, nicotine and anything else that is harmful to your body.
4) Get proper rest, as well as a good amount of sleep.
5) Talk to someone. There's healing power in sharing your burdens with someone.
6) Keep a journal of your thoughts, feelings, prayers and answers to prayer. Later, you'll be able to look back and see how much progress you have made.

Make a conscious choice to grab onto the hope of healing. Then take some positive steps in that direction. And don't forget to pat yourself on the back ... because even the smallest of steps is a major accomplishment!

Scratching at Life

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One morning I was sitting on my couch having a quiet moment before God.  My couch was my “prayer closet” at the time, and I was praying and reading about Him.  It wasn’t too long after I sat down that I began to hear noises in the corner of the room … scratching.  The sound of scratching got louder and louder.  The house I lived in at the time was built on a pier and beam foundation, and it had crawl-space access to the underneath of the house.  Hearing that scratching, I remembered that I had forgotten to fix the screen that covered the hole accessing the crawl space.  I realized that some sort of animal had probably gotten under the house through that hole, and it was doubtless trying to scratch its way to who knows where.

            Strange how our minds work, but at that point I began to wonder where that animal thought it was going.  It didn’t have to scratch its way through anything to get somewhere.  To get wherever it wanted to go, or any place else in the whole wide world, all it had to do was to go back through the same hole it came through to get underneath the house in the first place … which was probably that unfixed opening … and it would have all the freedom it was seeking.  No struggle, just walk through.  It reminded me of something I once heard about a fly being trapped in a glass.  It has been said that a fly will buzz around that glass until it dies, without realizing that liberty is only as far away as the top of the open container.

            Aren’t we like that?  How much do we “scratch” at life, going nowhere, when freedom is right there, just waiting for us to find it?  Our moments of refreshing could be closer than we realize because God is closer than we realize.

            Times of refreshing.  Oh, man  … we all need them, don’t we?  We have been walking around in the desert (our own personal, barren, wasteland; one that parallels with the desert the Israelites walked around in for forty years) for so long!  We need that oasis of refreshment … we see it in the movies and we know from the Word of God that it is ours for the asking.  “Come unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden,” Jesus tells us, “and I will give you rest.”

            We all need that rest.  Even God rested!  He created the world in six days, and on the seventh day He rested.  He even ordained that day as special calling it the Sabbath.  He knew we, as human beings, would need to rest at times, so He commanded us to rest on that day as well.  God’s Son Jesus also rested.  So what makes us think we can do without it?  

            But how do we go about obtaining them?  When do we have time to include them in our busy schedule?  And how can we even believe they are for us personally, when our hearts are in such pain and distress?  Just as the Israelites did, we walk through that desert.   And as if that drought in our spiritual lives weren’t enough, then … after the desert … just like the Israelites, we have battles to fight.  Just when we’re ready to get out of the desert and claim our own “Promised Land,” it’s then that those battles start.  Just when we’re finally ready for a little R & R (rest and relaxation), we’ve got to gear up, don our spiritual armor and face those “giants” that would keep us out of our own promised land. 

We fight battles.  But all the time we’re questioning, and we want to know … how can we reach the point that Joshua led the Israelites to, that point where we too can “rest from war.”  Resting does provide refreshing.  It does provide life.

We were created with what has commonly been referred to as a “God-shaped hole” within the very core of our being.  Something within us needs satisfaction and fulfillment.  Something within us needs peace, joy, love and goodness, just to name a few of the things we seek after.  Somehow, we seem to look for these things in all the wrong places.  We look for love within sexual relationships.  We look for peace within circumstances that are going our way.  We look for joy inside a bottle of alcohol or relief through mood-altering drugs.  We become “a-holics” … work, alcohol, drugs, sex, money, food, sympathy, relationships, or anything-else-we-can-find-a-holic.  What we find in those “places,” is that none of this fits the bill.  Oh, we may find temporary satisfaction, joy or rest from some of these things.  But soon we are seeking again.  We’re looking in all the wrong places.  It reminds me of those bright-colored toys we used to buy for our toddlers … you know, the ones that they would have to find the right shaped object to insert into the same shaped hole.  A square peg, for example, would not fit into a round hole.  The toddler learned manual dexterity, eye-hand coordination, etc., through playing with this toy.  But what this particular toy could not teach us was how to fill that “God-shaped hole” we were created with.  What we need to learn is that just as only the correctly shaped object could fit into its counterpart hole, the only One who can fill a “God-shaped hole” is God Himself.   

            Maybe we’re looking for times of rest and refreshing in all the wrong places as well.  Times of refreshing come from the presence of the Lord.  It is to Him that we must turn for rest and refreshing. It is possible to put aside all our cares and worries for the moment, and come into the presence of the Lord. Not only is it possible, but it's absolutely necessary for our health and well being. Times of refreshing … they are a matter of life and death! 

Your Book's Not Selling!

Are you discouraged with your book sales? Have you been working extra hard to get the word out about what you've written ... yet it doesn't seem like there's much response? TAKE HEART! Be encouraged! Keep on keepin' on! Here's a story that relates:

I took an Executive Secretarial course in college. When I graduated ... guess what I thought I was going to be? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out ... but guess what else? It didn't happen! I had to work my way up through the ranks, until eventually I got to the management level.

The same thing happened when I wrote my first book. I never had any thoughts at all about becoming a writer or an author. It happened by the grace of God (literally), through my studies to become a licensed belief therapist. Since I knew God was behind the writing of my first book, it followed in my mind that He would touch the hearts and minds of those He wanted to get the word to that He had planted in my heart.  Thus ... the sales would be there! But they weren't. (You'd have thought I would have learned my lesson with the Exec. Secretary job ... but nooooo!)  I literally spent almost all of my waking hours at my computer, marketing my book on line. So much so that God eventually had to say to me: "What's more important ... what you're doing or WHO you're doing it for!" (Notice that there's not a question mark at the end of the sentence. There's not an answer to be given. God was trying to tell me that even though I was working for Him, I was missing out on the most important aspect of life ... relationship with Him.)

I believe that at the time, I had the best marketing agent at Tate Publishing. Yet I'm now into writing my 5th book (as well as having written a behavioral management program for troubled teens, and that one's not published yet) and the sales still aren't there to any huge degree. Tate Publishing is really into recognizing and finding your "niche," which for the most part, at least up to this point, I thought I had. Marketing is definitely not my "niche." (My father was a salesman, and my son was in retail for a long time. But the gift bypassed me!) Yet I'm still marketing on line, as well as traveling to different trade shows, book festivals and book signing events. But still ... few sales.

Being an author is a very difficult field to be in. With a million new books published every year, there are a lot of us out there with something to say. Yet, I'm still working at it ... I have a book that was released  earlier this year (Here...Have A Miracle), and I have another in the production process as we speak. (Walking Toward the Light) And I'm into writing my next book after that. (My 3rd, 4th & 5th endeavors.)

I CAN'T STOP! Why? Because I believe that God is behind it. He's the One who gave me the talent, the words to say, and the ability and equipment to get the job done! He's the one who gave me the message. Sooooooo ... what's happening is that I'm "planting the seeds" and leaving the results up to God. (Check out I Corinthians 3: 6) It's the only way I can keep on doing what I'm doing. Depend on Him for the results.

I hope you will be encouraged with what I've said here. Let it soak in to your own writing career. One other thing that has helped me, is being in touch with other Tate authors. Following their tips, watching their events to see if there's one I might be able to join, and reading their encouraging posts.  I do wonder about the sales from time to time. But I'm going to keep on keeping on ... and I hope you will too!