The Biblical View of Grief & Depression

Xulon Press

Even today, many years after the initial writing of "One Foot on a Banana Peel," medical professionals are still "discussing" the difference (and IF there even is one) between grief and depression. "How long should a patient be 'allowed' to grieve before it is considered to be a depressive episode?" "Should the grieving person be medicated, or not?" (Click here to read one blog on this subject. There are many others out there.) While this subject seems to be on the "hot seat" in today's psychological blogs, I have yet to see anyone writing about how the Bible views the topic.

The Bible uses the word grief in a much broader sense than solely intense personal sadness. “To the Hebrew writers, the importance of grief was not its psychological effect upon the individual. Grief was important to them because it is a response to the troubles of a fallen world.” (Nelson’s Illustrated Bible Dictionary, copyright 1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers, pg. 446) The Lord Himself grieved over the sinfulness of His human creation. Ezekiel was groaning with broken heart and bitter grief as a prophetic sign of impending judgment. Isaiah’s grief (in Isaiah 17: 10, 11) was over those who had forgotten who God is. And grief, the Bible says, is the normal response to the trouble caused by one’s enemies. 

Sin is another Biblical cause for grief. Luke, chapter 15 tells the story about a prodigal son. Through this example, we see that physical death is not the only form of death.  Personalities can “die.” Have you ever seen a child whose personality changed drastically, maybe due to the use of drugs or alcohol? It may have even seemed like it happened almost overnight! Pre-marital sex can have the same strong reaction, especially in a young teen who has not yet developed the emotional capability to handle emotional responsibility. This is basically the same thing that happened to the young man. (Luke 15: 11-32) Obviously this young son was not dead physically. But who he was, his whole personality, his spirit and soul, had literally “died” because of his sin. This is what happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, and it’s what happens to each one of us when we sin. Our own personal sin causes us deeply felt grief, and sin in our lives causes “death,” which means we are separated from God. This death, this spiritual separation from God, causes grief.

Another reason for Biblical grief is when we grieve for others. Jesus wept. Not for Himself, but for those who should have known Him, but didn’t. Paul had “great sorrow and unceasing grief in his heart” for his brethren in the flesh who had not become his brethren in the Spirit. A pastor once told me that the majority of prayer requests he receives are concerning health issues. Paul had a desire and “burden” for the salvation of others … what happened to ours? Where did it go?

Job’s three friends grieved and mourned so much at what they saw, that they sat with him for seven days and nights in silence before they even spoke. Their heartache at seeing their friend suffer so, caused them to look for answers to fix the situation. They were barking up the wrong tree, obviously. But they kept grasping at whatever straw that entered their mind anyway, trying to find reasons for Job’s afflictions so that somehow the situation could be remedied. Who among us hasn’t done so? 

Esther was one whose grief for others was deeply felt.  Her story is told in the Book of Esther. Esther’s king was about to destroy the Jews, her people. Esther grieved over this, but she had a big problem. It seems the king had the power and authority to either dismiss her, or have her killed if she interfered or intervened in any way. Yet, her grief for her people would not be assuaged. So, her grief for her people caused her to put her life on the line for them.  She fasted first, and then went to see the king. By the grace of God, Esther found favor before the king, and was able to save her people from his decree. While we know it was an act of God’s mercy, it was through Esther’s grief and prayers for her people that they were saved.

On a more positive note, one more Biblical perspective on causes for grief, is that of “longing.” In this context, the longing is for God … longing to know Him better, in a deeper, more intimate manner than we ever have before. Longing to be filled with His Spirit, and have our thirst for Him quenched. Longing to know His Word and His ways.  We see David’s obvious heart for knowing the Lord, His ways and His word, in Psalm 119. David seeks to know the Lord.  With all of his heart, his mind and his body, he desires to know and walk in the ways of the Lord. Verse 20 finds David’s soul “crushed with longing” after the ordinances of the Lord. Verse 25 reveals that David’s soul “cleaves to the dust,” and he asks the Lord to revive him according to His word. Verse 28 states that David’s “soul weeps with grief,” and he asks God to strengthen him. David also zealously seeks after the salvation of the Lord, and he waits on the Lord to fulfill that desire. His soul “fails with longing” for the word of the Lord. All of that takes place in verses 81 and 82.

It's important to know how God sees grief.  In this day and age, we are inundated with sound and visuals from the entertainment industry which indicate how people react to trauma and tragedy. Once this "picture" is in our minds, far too many of us come to believe it.  And then when negative circumstances invade our own lives, we react in much the same manner.  We need something far more stable than the entertainment industry to lean on when trauma and tragedy hits us hard. We need strength from God and guidance from His Word.

Mentoring a Troubled Teen

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I've worked with troubled teens at a Texas Youth Commission boot camp. In part, I was responsible for a team of over 100 volunteers who provided recreational, educational, spiritual and financial services for the boys who were residents there. One thing I found lacking in these youth was a healthy, balanced sense of value and worth. A balanced sense of self esteem, including being accountable for their actions (as we all must be) as well as understanding and believing that their lives had value and worth just because they are living, breathing human beings, is essential.  This is especially true because many of them were entrenched in negative thinking patterns and corrupt life styles.

Many of these youths' eyes would pop open when I would tell them that they are valuable and that their lives have meaning and purpose. No one had ever told them stuff like that before. Now, you're not going to get all of them ... one in particular pointed out to me that he couldn't wait to get to prison because his dad told him how much fun it was! Come on, kid ... you're smarter than that!!!

One program I ran for these youth was a Mentor program. My team of volunteers was the absolute best! And their work on behalf of these boys was nothing short of outstanding, whichever program they were presenting! But the mentor program stood high on the list for effectiveness. Nothing can replace that one-on-one relationship where both mentor and mentee are learning together and from each other. The wisdom and experience that came from the mentor was a guiding light for these young boys. 

Added to this point, I found that many of the volunteers who had "been there, done that," were even more effective in working with them. They understood the life, and were able to express their ways and means of getting out of that lifestyle and putting their feet on a more healthy, productive life pathway. They could really help these kids in a way that they could relate to and grasp hold of. 

I know your lives are busy, and full of stress. But if you can find the time, become a volunteer. I recommend becoming a mentor to a youth who needs your attention, knowledge and experience. Care. Do it today!

Jane Harber, author
"Quit Digging! A Lifeline of Hope for Troubled Teens"

Finding Truth

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I’ve had trouble with my tongue for a long time.  Ever since way back, it just won’t behave! (Ok, so those of you who have known me since back then, you’re nodding your heads and have great big smiles on your faces right about now!)  More often than not, I have walked around with not only one, but with both feet stuck right smack-dab in the middle of my mouth.  At times I’ve felt as if I’m the only one who understands what I’m saying, like nobody understands my language.  Adding fuel to the “fire,” it seems that once we’ve been misunderstood a time or two, our next efforts at communication tend to overcompensate for that.  We try hard not to be misunderstood again.  But somehow, through the extensive verbiage that comes out of our mouths in an effort not to be misunderstood, we dig the hole even deeper.  The more words we speak, the deeper the hole gets.  Ever been there?  Of course you have.  Trust me … I understand!

If you’re in a hole, quit digging!  I’ve told God before that my mouth was just too far out of control, and I didn’t want to talk any more.  The least He could do was give me some duct tape for my mouth!  But thank God, He didn’t answer that prayer.  He had better things in store for me.  He didn’t want to shut my mouth, He wanted to heal it!  He wanted to give me something better than duct tape … He wanted to give me truth.

Truth can drastically change the words of our mouths.  Speaking words of truth can even miraculously change the course of our very lives.  No, I’m not talking about the kind of truth that says unkind things, like, “Honey, your new hairdo is ugly,” or “Man, you did a terrible job!”  While statements like that may sometimes be the truth, they are not spoken with love that’s meant to teach, encourage, uplift and edify the one spoken to.

What I’m talking about here is learning and growing … replacing the misunderstandings, misconceptions, deceptions and lies that we have all fallen prey to and believed, with truth.  Why?  Because truth will set us free!

God wants us to know truth.  He has given us the means to examine our patterns and ways of thinking, so that we can weed out what’s wrong and replace it with truth.  The healing we come to know in learning truth can then lead to the restoration of not only ourselves, but also our relationships that have been tainted by misunderstandings.  The end result will lead us on to functioning together, as we were created to do, as one Body … the Body of Christ.